Hole Maker

This poem is pretty raw - but extremely moving. Thank you Miss Redhead for this glimpse into your anguish.

~ Hole Maker ~
An aching heart,
empty of life
void of feeling ~

small glimmers of light,
but they aren't meant for me
no, not for me.


~ Only happy people allowed
even if the grin is pasted on
glued in place


~ What happens when the grin is gone?
what will I do without it?
I can't find it anywhere.

~ Once again, he lashes out
all faults are mine
why? How can he manipulate me like that?

~ Something is wrong
I never should have given him my heart
So in reality, the fault IS mine

~ Like a sinking ship, with only a bucket to slog away the deathly waters
anchored into an existance with no escape
you can't run away, you can't mend the holes

~ afterall, how do you mend holes that you don't make?
the patches never fit
the holes are still there

~ he sees the holes
pretends they aren't there
tells me I'm crazy, there aren't any holes.

~ then he picks up the bludgeoning words
and makes a few more,
points at them

~ Look, you made another hole
What's wrong with you?
he says


~ you'll ruin us all,
making holes like that,
better grab that bucket, try to bail us all out


~Hole Maker~

~unreliable~

~can't depend on you for anything~

~Hole Maker~

~the silent tears unanswered
filling the ship evermore

~there must be another bucket
somewhere
somehow
Miss Redhead

Meme - the power of seven

Ha Ha Ha, who sometimes comments at the bottom of my poems has tagged me to complete an internet survey. I think Mr Ha is a frustrated poet who hasn't quite found the courage within himself to express his darker feelings in verse. He quite often makes insulting remarks on this site, but I am a very forgiving person. I understand that his comments are not malicious, but rather the work of an angry individual. To show that there are no hard feelings between us, I have completed his on-line survey, and I think it gives a good insight into the inner workings of your poetess friend!


Seven things to do before I die:

See the northern lights

Learn to fly

Visit a sufi community

Get published

Use the money to buy my own vineyard and blend my own wonderful organic wines

Harness my own strength to heal people. I truly believe there is a healing power greater even than reiki, so strong is the will of a person. I would love
to discover the strength we all have and teach people to heal with love

To be loved as deeply as I can love

Seven things I can't do

Forget

Throat singing (I have been on a course, but i just couldn't get the hang of it. I think you need the power of the steppe to give you the extra dimension of sound)

Forgive myself if I am not perfect.

Speak tagalog (I can speak quite a lot of languages, I just can't seem to get the hang of that one)

Eat tripe. I think it is awful

Look at a great piece of art without crying

Watch soap operas or other mindless reality television

Seven things I say:

I think your chakras are blocked

Exquisite

Peace and blessings

Don't hit it, it will break

I'm soft-spoken and soft-hearted but I'll fight for love

Imagination is the colour palette of the soul

The pain I feel is proof that I loved with all my heart

Seven things that attract me to a city:

Beautiful architecture

A city which has no suburbs - the city limits are beautiful countryside

An ancient spa

Inhabitants who have time for one another, unlike the hard-faced stressers of London

An ashtanga yoga centre

Really good bookshops - especially antiquarian ones, I love to browse and inhale the scent of wisdom.

A university. I hate living in places where there is no vibrancy, no sense of learning and sharing knowledge

Seven movies I've loved

Manon de Source
91/2 Weeks
If
Three Colours Blue
As Good as it Gets
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Don Carlo
It's a Wonderful Life

Seven Books I Like

Poor Things
To the Lighthouse
Love in the Time of Cholera
Tess of the D'Urbervilles
The Remains of the Day
Fear of Flying
In Search of Lost Time